Next week there is party at my Friend's place (actually Ex- Friend's place) Every one has just Ex- Spouses and Ex- Boy/ Girl friends, I have a bunch of Ex - Friends (People with whom I was inseparable at a point of time and they don't even look at me now). A tonne of my other Ex- Friends are on the invitee list (and no points for guessing that I am not).
Why do they hate me now? ... A very good question.. because I am not a good friend. I make friends in the spur of a moment, be as nice as I can to each and every one of them.. and some how manage to screw up ... So they all hate me now...
In spite of being really warm, caring, affectionate and friendly (adjectives with which I am addressed all the time ).. I mess up somewhere.. I manage to gain everyone's hatred... sometimes with my words and sometimes with my deeds...
The worst thing in my Life so far, 'Choice'. People should never be allowed to choose. Only when you get to choose, you have a bad choice and a good choice, a bad road and a good road... Whenever I was at a road with fork, I made a wrong choice.
A person's profession , field of study, love and Friends, especially Friends.. there should be no choice for any of these... You should have only one and you should stick to it/ them.
Because there is nothing called choosing friends wisely. Can we do that? Can we assess the other person, have a fixed amount of expectation, give only a fixed amount of affection, barter emotions one on one basis ? Can friendships be made so consciously that you have no fear or doubt of separation?
Perhaps, that is why the bond between parents and children is so strong and inseparable, because neither of them have a choice. They are bound to be together. Rest of the bonds are so superficial, it is as though they cannot wait to break.
After making a bunch of mistakes, we are expected to learn and grow. I haven't.
I still don't make wise choices, I make friends in a minute, will become a good part of their life and screw it up in the end.
If only I had no choice and had just one friend who would understand me and be with me in spite of me messing up all the time .... If only I had no choice but to be with him in spite of my stupidity and his foolishness ...
I would not have felt so lonely ...
Why do they hate me now? ... A very good question.. because I am not a good friend. I make friends in the spur of a moment, be as nice as I can to each and every one of them.. and some how manage to screw up ... So they all hate me now...
In spite of being really warm, caring, affectionate and friendly (adjectives with which I am addressed all the time ).. I mess up somewhere.. I manage to gain everyone's hatred... sometimes with my words and sometimes with my deeds...
The worst thing in my Life so far, 'Choice'. People should never be allowed to choose. Only when you get to choose, you have a bad choice and a good choice, a bad road and a good road... Whenever I was at a road with fork, I made a wrong choice.
A person's profession , field of study, love and Friends, especially Friends.. there should be no choice for any of these... You should have only one and you should stick to it/ them.
Because there is nothing called choosing friends wisely. Can we do that? Can we assess the other person, have a fixed amount of expectation, give only a fixed amount of affection, barter emotions one on one basis ? Can friendships be made so consciously that you have no fear or doubt of separation?
Perhaps, that is why the bond between parents and children is so strong and inseparable, because neither of them have a choice. They are bound to be together. Rest of the bonds are so superficial, it is as though they cannot wait to break.
After making a bunch of mistakes, we are expected to learn and grow. I haven't.
I still don't make wise choices, I make friends in a minute, will become a good part of their life and screw it up in the end.
If only I had no choice and had just one friend who would understand me and be with me in spite of me messing up all the time .... If only I had no choice but to be with him in spite of my stupidity and his foolishness ...
I would not have felt so lonely ...
